15.

[defiancebyfire]

because someplace in the midst of not falling asleep, listening to cheesy power pop music, feeling empty about everything so far, and reading love stories that weren't supposed to remind me of us but still did, i'm mourning us and me and gripping that miniscule amount of self-control that i hopefully still possess so hard my hands are bruising, just to stop myself from cutting, to stop this empty feeling in my stomach, to tell my brain to not think anything anymore because my heart hurts and i don't even know why but i'm losing myself, i'm fading away, i'm stuck knowing that there are a shit ton of things to actually live for but left not caring and i just want not to exist right now.

why am i so jaded, what have i done.